nothing but normal

One tip my doctors gave to me that I will pass on to others going through cancer is to live your life as normal as you possibly can.  This includes doing the same things you did before cancer and minimizing the change in your daily life.  Yes, I know this is hard to apply after your life was hit hard by hurricane cancer, but as I discovered, do not let cancer control your life.  Only let it simply be a speed bump down [fill in your name here] street.  I was in the hospital every two weeks alternating between a three day or a six day hospital stay for chemo treatments.  I would be home for about two weeks in between these treatments, and the time away from the hospital was no time away at all.  I still went in every couple days for blood work to monitor my blood counts.  Other issues sent me back to the cancer clinic such as nausea, blood transfusions, hydration, or pain relief from disgusting mouth sores(I'll write more about those later).  When I would first get home from treatment, I would feel disgustingly sick and nauseous from the chemo that I wouldn't be able to do anything but load up on anti-nausea drug after another then become a vegetable from its effects.  Although it was miserable, I still found peace and joy in not being hooked up to an IV and not having my pee measured every time I went to the bathroom.  Conveniently, when I would start feeling better was when my blood counts would go down--practically to zero.  That meant I had absolutely no immune system.  At home, I had to give myself GCSF shots to help raise my blood counts every day until they were at a safe level.  And guess what, no immune system meant no leaving my house.  No being around sick people.  No crowds.  Just the company of my family, and boyfriend, and healthy visitors once in a while.  So once my counts came up, I was back in the hospital as soon as possible to get hit with my next round of chemo treatment.  Yayyyyyyyy........  BUT I had a very small, but much needed and appreciated window of time in my cancer life before my next hospital stay to go out and do whatever, whenever, since I would be feeling good(ish) and healthy(ish).  During these small clearings in the storm, I swear I did more stuff than I did before cancer and tried my hardest to be as active as I possibly could.  I went to the zoo, I went to Angel games, I went out to eat, I went the OC Fair, I went to my senior prom, I walked at graduation, I went to my grad nite, I went to Disneyland, I went to a concert, and most importantly, I made my way to as many high school baseball games as I could to watch my boyfriend play(I would even go on my "bad" days with a bucket in hand just in case).  This is the part where I was so blessed to have my family and friends and my boyfriend to push me to do these things.  I knew my limits (and so did my mom) and I made sure to voice them when I would be out.  My boyfriend has a very, let's say hyperactive personality.  He always has to be doing something and would eagerly drag me along on adventures during my rare good days.  I am really thankful for that.  He constantly reminded me that just because I was sick, doesn't mean I can't have a life and be myself.  What I'm trying to say here is that although my cancer took up a lot of my life, I still didn't let it own me.  I could have easily just sat at home and felt sorry for myself and mourn the life I once had, and trust me I really wanted to at times.  But for those small windows of of time, I felt normal when I did fun things I love to do.  I felt like a superhero pushing cancer to the back of my head to deal with later as I was busy with living it up.  I think this can even apply to any obstacle or hard challenge in anyone's life.  Don't let it own you.  Make sure you have those small windows during your challenge to escape through, because although they're smaller than the room, what's past the window is vast.

Here are some pictures from some of my good days:)

###Alexis