Foods to stay away from while on chemo: raw fish

The day I found out I had cancer was not only a day my life changed forever, but also the day I found out about many things I now can not do, eat or participate in during my time on chemotherapy.  Of course I devastated that day for many reasons, but one of those reasons was the new boundaries I needed to have when it comes to the kinds of food I ate.

I'm the type of person where I will try any type of food before I decide if I like it or not, rather than automatically judging the weird-looking food before I've at least given it a chance.  As a result, I've acquired a very wide and odd set of favorite foods.  My top favorite foods include raw fish.  I absolutely love raw fish.  Sushi, sashimi and even raw oysters are considered a fancy treat to me.  So it was pretty heartbreaking to say the least that I must stay away from these foods for the whole duration of my chemo treatment, which lasted about eight months.

Going though chemotherapy, your blood counts drop drastically.  This includes your red blood cells, your white blood cells, and some other stuff in your blood but I forget what they are all called.  One of the most alarming drops would have to be your white blood cells since they fight germs and keep you healthy.  After every chemo round, my white blood cell count would drop to zero.  That meant I had no immune system.  That meant my body had no chance of fighting any type of infection.  That meant I would have to rushed into the emergency room if I had any hint of a fever.  So I had to be very careful about what I put into my body.

Raw foods were a big no no while on chemo.  Since fish, oysters, and even some types of meat could all be consumed raw, I had to stay away from eating them to prevent any type of bad bacteria getting into my body.  It was a tough eight months, but at that point, you are willing to do anything to hold on to what health you do have left.  A raw sushi roll was no worth going back into the hospital for another week after just getting out.

Being more wary and careful of what I put into my body during this time in my life not only made me appreciate the things I had to stay away from, but also made me more aware of every type of food I decide to eat for the rest of my life.  It's amazing how much a simple snack can actually affect your life whether you have cancer or not.

Lately

I've become so terribly bad at keeping up with this blog!  I like to blame it on chemo brain(return back to this blog for a future post on what chemo brain is), but I'm actually just too lazy and forgetful.

Now I'm in my junior year of college and just celebrated my two years in remission on Oct. 17th!! Now I'm up and at 'em with more thirst for life and new experiences than ever.

I'm currently taking an agriculture communications class(basically the main reason for updating my blog today) which is an excellent opportunity to step out of my comfort zone and learn new things I normally wouldn't step foot near.  Who knew agriculture is actually a pretty big part of our lives?  Because I sure didn't!

We shall see what this class' future has in hold for me when it comes to more lectures, tests and projects, but I will try my best to keep up with it all on here since it will be just oh so exciting!  In the mean time, I'll also try my best to update with post-cancer related posts!!

Happy Friday!

Check up doctor appointment and lab work at Children's Hospital of Orange County. Once a cancer patient, always a cancer patient, even if you're in remission.

This is Jaime. He's the only person who can access my teenie tiny veins with just one try!

food for thought: top 4 foods i craved on chemotherapy

highlights:

• easy foods to eat while going through chemotherapy
• what to expect with appetite during chemotherapy
• my favorite comfort foods while nauseous

So as most of you may know, chemotherapy is this nasty medicine that makes cancer patients better but causes a long list of revolting side effects.  One of the harshest side effects would be nausea.  This nausea caused me to have a lack of appetite in the hospital to a point where even water sounded distasteful to me.  I would go days on end not eating one bite of food--sometimes I went five days without food.  I lost a lot of weight in response to this poor diet.  After my chemo treatment, I had to eat something while recovering at home.  It's hard to explain, but I was obviously still "hungry" in a sense since my body needed food, but I wasn't hungry (sorry that was confusing).  But here are some of the few foods I would actually kind of crave while working back up my appetite after my long, involuntary fasts.

1. Pho soup

Once I came home from treatments, this was the only thing I demanded.  Pho soup was extremely easy on my stomach and actually tasted good to me.  It was hot and the tastes were not overbearingly strong.  The broth is delicious and definitely fulfilled my need for food and hardy nutrients in my body.  My go-to restaurant for Pho soup was and still is Pho 99 Noodle and Grill in Lake Forest.

2. chips and salsa

Chips and salsa have always been my favorite, but my love was only heightened during and after chemo.  For me, the spicier, the better.  For some reason, chemo had some weird effect on my taste buds that allowed taste to become more bland and dull, thus why I demanded more spicy foods in my small diet.  The cold, zesty salsa with the perfect crispy chips satisfied my hunger and need for excitement in my taste buds.

3. candy

While in the hospital, being hooked up to the IV fluids and chemo medicine made my mouth really dry.  I hated the feeling, and that feeling alone would make me even more nauseous.  In response to my dry mouth, of course I craved candy to help with the issue.  From sour gummy worms to Hot Tamales, my hospital room looked like a 7-year-old's dream piled up beside my bed.

4. flamin' hot cheetos

Once again, it was the spicier the better when it came to what I would eat.  Thus, Flaming Hot Cheetos were another one of my go-to foods during the recovery period after chemo treatment.  Bright red, cheesy finger tips and all, I would go through a whole bag with watery eyes and runny nose from the red Cheetos.  One upside to this guilty pleasure would be the fact that it would force me to drink a lot of water in response to my burning mouth.  I needed to stay hydrated and drink a lot of fluids, and an efficient way to get me to do so was eating a bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos.

Due to my lack of appetite during the queasy days of chemo, this list is extremely short.  My appetite would come back for a small window of time before it was time to be admitted right back into the hospital again for another hit of chemo, and during that time I ate anything and everything because I could.  So if you're going through chemo treatment, don't try to eat the healthiest foods out there or stick to some kind of strict diet.  It's okay to eat a giant cheese burger if you really want to.  For me, I had to literally stock up my body as if I were going into hibernation before my next round of chemotherapy.  So eat what you want whenever you want because you feel good.  Save the wimpy diet for the days with no appetite.  Unfortunately, it's a whole different story now that I'm in remission when it comes to food whatever, whenever.  So embrace the fact that you can do it now if you are still going through chemotherapy.

###Alexis

getting real

I wrote a post previously about how important those few good days are among the bad ones throughout the cancer journey.  Now, I’m going to be real and honest about those bad days, because I had many of those and I feel that I didn’t allow people to see me battling the difficult trials by hiding behind the forced smiles and good attitudes. 

As anyone could guess, it was extremely hard to have my life come to a halt at such a prime stage in my life: an 18 year old senior in high school.  These were the times when we are preparing to go off to college and start our new lives with new friends, experiences, and futures.  Unfortunately, instead of spending my second half of senior year bonding with friends and peers before we part ways after high school, I was in and out of the hospital getting chemotherapy or at home recovering from being weak and sick.  Instead of spending my summer before college with friends and having the time of my life at the beach, concerts, and vacations, I was still in and out of the hospital or staying home on the days I couldn’t leave the house. 

I know this sounds sad and depressing, but it’s the truth.  It was hard to talk about it since I had no time or room to feel sorry for myself or drown in my self pity since I was too busy and determined to finish my treatment and beat cancer.  Now, all of the emotions and feelings are coming back to me now that I have the time and energy to really sit and process everything I went through and had to deal with. 

The hardest part for me during this time in my life was having my life come to a stop and put on hold, but everyone else’s lives around me just kept moving on: family, friends, peers.  It was hard for me to sit back and watch people move on with their lives without me participating in it.  I know I could never ask anyone to stand back and stop their lives just for me, but it was a tough reality that was hard for me to grasp.  I felt left out and alone watching my close ones’ lives from afar as if I was no longer a part of it.  

Another difficulty for me was not feeling normal.  I was sick, and it sucked.  I just felt sick and looked sick.  So many times I just wanted to do something to feel better and make all the gross-ness of chemotherapy disappear.  It was something I’ve never been through or felt and I had no idea how to deal with it.  At 18 years old, I was supposed to become independent and grown up preparing to live on my own.  I was graduating high school and would ideally be going on to bigger and better things.  But I was going backwards.  I couldn’t go out and be independent when I was so dependent on my mom taking care of me going to the hospital and doctor appointments.  I was like a newborn baby and needed so much attention and care, well maybe not exactly like a baby but you get the point.  

Now that I’m finished with treatment and moved on with my life again, you would think that cancer with be almost completely out of my life.  Ironically, it actually affects my life more emotionally.  As I said before, I now have the energy and state of mind to allow all the memories of what I went through come back and haunt me.  I never had the chance to mourn for my lost previous life.  Cancer took so much from me, and I’m now realizing all that I had lost.

When I come to think about it, I’ve had to go through three different versions of myself: pre-cancer, during cancer, and post-cancer me.  That in itself is extremely overwhelming and confusing for me since I’m trying to figure out who I really am now that I have cancer to help define my life.  

I discovered that just simply talking about everything I’m feeling or thinking helps me sort everything out.  It’s just hard since almost no one can relate to what I went through or what I’m going through.  The best person I have in my life I can talk to is my mom.  She was with me every single step of the way and knows me the best.  However, she still can’t completely be on my level.  

Cancer really does suck!  It turns your life inside out and affects every aspect of your life.  But it’s important to stay open with others and yourself.  So if you’re going through cancer or beat it, I suggest you talk to someone who understands your situation the best.  If you feel there is no one who can relate as much as you would like, then I suggest talking to your doctor.  No one knows how much you’ve gone through more than your doctor.  I love my doctor and I feel that I can tell her anything I’m feeling or worried about.  Or, you can simply write to help organize thoughts and feelings.  Either way, you will have those bad and confusing days, but they will only help to make you a stronger version of the person you will become.  

###Alexis

scarf bow 101

Hey everyone!! I am so so so sorry I haven't posted in a while.  I'm back in college now and I've just been swamped with homework, studying, sorority stuff, and other college stuff.  But I do promise I'll try my hardest to post at least once a week!!
Here's a video tutorial on how to tie a scarf bow.  I adopted this look as my own throughout the entire time I had no hair, and people would always ask me how I did it.  So here it is.  My secrets to scarf bow success.  Please pass this on to any girl you know going through treatment!  I want to help as much as I can because it's so incredibly hard for a girl to dress and style outfits with no hair as silly as it sounds.  Enjoy!

Here are some pictures of me reppin' my scarf bow on treatment

Rebecca Dever Photography

###Alexis

our song

Sorry I haven't been able to post in two days!  I've been so swamped!  Friday I was busy all day packing for school before I left to go to the Rascal Flatts concert with Austin.  Then we left bright and early yesterday morning(Saturday) bound for SLO!!  Then that meant unpacking everything and getting all settled in.  Now I finally have the time to sit at my desk, in my new room, in my new apartment!  

It's been quite the busy weekend, but Friday night was completely magical!  Austin and I were at the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater and heard some amazing music from Eden's Edge, Eli Young Band(love them!), Little Big Town(love them too!), and my favorite, Rascal Flatts!!

Rascal Flatts has a special place in my heart.  I've always liked them and their music.  If you're not a country music fan, I highly suggest you take a listen to Rascal Flatts.  One of my favorite songs is Fast Cars and Freedom, but there's one song that has become mine and Austin's "song" for other reasons than it being on the radio during our first kiss, like other couples.  

When I was told I had cancer, my mind was overwhelmed with thoughts bouncing around: Will I be ok?  I'm going to lose my hair?!  What about the rest of my senior year?  What about college?  How did this happen to me?  Among the jumbled thoughts, one question stung in the back of my mind:  Will Austin want to break up with me?  At this point, we were only 5 months into our relationship and still learning more and getting to know each other.  I didn't expect him to stick around for me, because in my head, that just wasn't fair for him.  Austin had his whole life ahead of him, and plans he's had since way before he even knew me.  I didn't want to hold him back.  Staying by my side through this journey is a huge commitment, and it should be his choice.  And what's worse than being forced and expected to endure this messy path was being guilted into it.  I didn't want Austin to stay with me because he felt guilty.  

So there I was in my hospital bed, scared and confused as to what my future holds about cancer, about Austin.  I knew I loved him, and I knew I loved him enough to let him move on with his life and plans if this was too much for him.  The next morning after that fateful February 17th, I checked my Facebook on my phone out of habit and was bombarded with notifications of kind and encouraging words from family, friends, acquaintances, and people I've never met.  Among the countless posts and messages, Austin posted a song on my wall late the night before.  

Tears instantly filled my eyes when I read the title of the song, before even hitting play.  In an instant, all my fear and uncertainty evaporated as if the thoughts were never there to begin with.  Right then I knew I wasn't going to be alone.  I knew we were in this together.  I knew I was truly loved.  The song was titled I Won't Let Go by Rascal Flatts.  If I fell apart at just the title of the song, I'm sure you could imagine what a mess I was when I played the song, letting the words sink in.  Ever since that day, Austin did not leave my side at all and sacrificed so much for me.  I would not have battled my cancer so well or with as much strength if it weren't for him supporting me and cheering me on the whole way.  We both grew up and learned the true meaning of commitment, sacrifice, and endearing love.  We all have blessings during hardships, and Austin was definitely my blessing.

Here are the lyrics to I Won't Let Go by Rascal Flatts(you may need some tissues...)

It's like a storm
That cuts a path
It breaks your will
It feels like that

You think you're lost
But you're not lost on your own
you're not alone

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
If you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it's dark
This part of life
Oh it finds us all
And we're too small
To stop the rain
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
And you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight

And I won't let you fall
Don't be afraid to fall
I'm right here to catch you
I won't let you down
It won't get you down
you're gonna make it
Yeah I know you can make it

Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
And you can't cope
And I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go
Oh I'm gonna hold you
And I won't let go
Won't let you go
No I won't

Here they are performing the song live:

###Alexis